Budgie’s Journal #170 – X Isn’t a Vowel

Today is a weird day. It’s a Monday, as countless people on social media will tell you. That means a miserable start to a miserable new week for all the miserable people on this miserable floating marble.

Please, don’t let me bum you out here.

Hear any good jokes lately?

Two men walk into a bar. “We’re closed,” the bartender says. The two men argue that the sign says he’s open. The bartender sighs, takes out a pistol, and shoots both men in the face. “Always on a fuckin’ Monday with these assholes.”

*rim shot*

“Was it good for you?” a woman asks, rolling over.

“Of course,” her lover replies. “We’re lesbians, so its always good.”

*audience groans*

Thank you… I’ll be here all week.

Seriously, though… I’ll be here all week. I don’t have anywhere else to be, and I dont have a babysitter.

Don’t mine me… I’m just waiting around for my Monday motivation. I’m about ready to make my own, but it’s like a sandwich: much better when someone else makes it for you.

Tell me I have no reason to feel like the walls are moving in. Remind me that I need to leave my own head. Get someone to drive me back to reality. Grab a ladder to put my head back into the clouds where it belongs. Mow the lawn of my subconscious. Give my soul a deep tissue massage. Gas up my mind and drive the long way home.

…or something.

I’m out of here. I’m going to take a relaxing walk down a busy street with a clipboard and some measuring tools. I can’t sit here and inspire all fuckin’ morning, can I?

Maybe I’ll check in later.

-Budgie Bigelow

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