Budgie’s Journal #131 – You Suck, I Suck, We All Suck

It’s a harsh reality you’re going to have to face at one point or another: you suck. You suck long and hard. You suck out loud. This is a simple fact, and you’re reminded of it, constantly.

I know this isn’t the motivation you were looking for to start your day. Trust me, I had no idea I’d end up taking to my blog to tell myself and my dear readers that we all inherently suck.

If this worries you, then you just need to do what I do: pretend you don’t suck. After a while, you’ll believe the lie and not outwardly suck. Eventually, you won’t suck. You’ll be living the dream.

“What brought this on, Budgie? Why are you being so mean today? I thought you were trying to be more optimistic!”

I’m not trying to be negative, just realistic. A number of things edged me toward putting this sucky piece together, and I’ll tell you what they were. Pay attention, suck-lords.

First, I’ve gone back to my old writing, looking at it, reading it, readying it to be molded into something more. I remembered how I was when I first started writing these stories and posting them online, beginning with Askharoth, which turned into my first book and will be my fourth paperback release. And it still needs work! Formatting, editing, removal of useless pieces (the prelude and afterword would just be wastes of paper)! It shouldn’t be this much work for something I’ve already considered complete. And I went on and on about it like God’s gift to literature when I wrote it. Boy, did I suck!

But maybe, just maybe, I’ve become a bit of a perfectionist, and for that, I still suck.

But I’m not the only one!

Conceit is my enemy, one I slay time and time again with the weapon of my great and powerful modesty. I know my skill, and I’ve honed it over the years. I’ve noticed others making the same journey, writing and putting together books, readying their big debut into the big, scary world of publication.

And they suck.

Not the content of their books, mind you. I haven’t read them. I mean they suck as people in general.

Show some hubris for God’s sake! Your book won’t climb the charts. You’re not the Fifty Shades chick. You’re not the Twilight lady. You’re Joe or Jane Schmo on the internet, and you’re not special. You suck.

And here’s where more advice comes into play, and it’s based off some cliche of a cliche that may have been helpful advice at some point. Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. In other words: present yourself as if you don’t suck, and others will believe it. But don’t, for the love of all that is holy, start talking about yourself like you’re the next JK fucking Rowling.

And don’t hand out advice to other authors on social media unless you have something under your belt to prove your advice is tried and tested. I see it. You’re regurgitating the same shit you’ve read in memes and other author’s blogs. It’s what I’ve come to call “fad advice”, and you’re only helping more people suck by forcing them to change their voices instead of finding it on their own.

This post was about nobody in particular, but if you think it was about you: it was about you.

Trust me. I was there too.

-Budgie Bigelow


Jimi wanted to be specifically told he sucks.


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