Budgie’s Journal #103 – My Own Private Punchline

The things I said were ridiculous. I knew it the moment my thoughts became audible. My accusations were unfounded. It’s as much my fault as anyone else’s. Mistakes were made. Errors were left uncorrected. Grievances went unchecked for years.

And now we are here.

And I’m happy today, despite the misery of the day before. I woke up feeling good, realizing how silly I had been. I know where I stand. I know where everyone stands.

I can’t tell the future, as much as I try. Will there be bad days? Yes. Will letting them drag me through the shit again change anything? No. All I can do is put one foot in front of the other, accept that I’m walking in the right direction, and make peace with my choices.

This is a change. I’m different now, and I know what I need to do to move on. I’ll always have the friendship and support I need. There’s just one more step I need to take, and it’s a big one. Maybe I’ll tell you about it someday. 

God help me… Why does this feel right?

-Budgie Bigelow

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