It was a peaceful Sunday morning…
A piece of sentient cinnamon toast crunch was innocently spending time at a milk bar. Another walking-talking cereal bit trips and spills his milk all over the first piece of self-aware gluten and sugar. Then the inevitable happened. The living pieces of cereal started to eat each other, one after another. It was horrible. The things nightmares are made out of.
Cannibalism isn’t something we speak about with our children in this era of American history. The consumption of another human being is an unspeakable horror nobody wants to subject themselves to, except demented Germans. Think about your child at school, having ketchup spilled on him. The others see this as opportunity and pounce, consuming the flesh of your child just like the living cereal during the commercials of SpongeBob Squarepants had taught them.
Television stations dedicated to children’s programming are putting ads in their shows, glamorizing cannibalism in the form of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Pop Tarts. But for what ends?
We’re raising a generations of future cannibals thanks to these subliminal messages in the form of cereal commercials. Our children will think it socially acceptable to each one another for breakfast. Is this what the corporate overlords of our American Government want? Are the behind this secret training? Has our future already been written, and is it wrought with cannibalism?
Be wary of those fucking cereal commercials.