Donald Trump is Great
A rant by Budgie Bigelow
Budgie Bigelow is an author, primarily writing fiction. He is not associated with any political party, nor does he endorse any politician. He is not a political writer, a social justice blogger, or work for any media outlet.
So my title is slightly misleading. Trump is an arrogant, spoiled, sexist, loud-mouthed scumbag. That’s my opinion, and, like assholes, I have one. Don’t get me wrong: I don’t support Hillary either. I make no secret that I believe her to be corporate evil incarnate, guilty of stacking the deck of this election in her favor.
Yes, we’ve entered the epitome of the choosing of the lesser of two evils, but I only want to talk about one of the nominees for president today: The Donald.
Let me get back to why I think Trump is so great. I don’t think he’s great for this country, the Republican Party, or human beings in general. He can’t speak too long without blatantly lying, he says stuff that has no merit in reality, and he’s put himself on his own pedestal. Hell, I watched this guy swear he has the temperament to be president weeks before throwing a hissy fit over SNL’s parody of him. What Trump did to make me consider him great was completely unintentional on his part.
So let’s go back, shall we? How about we jump back to before the primaries, back when Trump’s hat was in the ring with the other Republican hopefuls.
Let me add a side note here that most of what I know of politics is word-of-mouth stuff. My coworkers in my group are boisterous about politics, and they’re all republican.
“I can’t believe Trump’s running,” a coworker, let’s call him Buzz, said in the breakroom. “You gotta hear the stuff coming out of his mouth. I don’t know how he’s getting away with it!”
Trump had run before, pitting himself against Obama’s re-election and losing the nominee to John McCain, and from what I remember: he was a joke. Now, however, he’s picked up steam. He became more than that real estate guy from the Apprentice. Pitted against men who couldn’t be president of a Kindergarten PTA, he was starting to stand out.
“Trump’s just saying what everyone is thinking,” Buzz said at this point. “He’s the only one who has the balls to say it, too.”
So now I’ll get to why I titled this little rant what I did. I still don’t think Trump’s a good human being in the slightest, and I never did. I don’t think he’s speaking his mind and saying what we’re all thinking. I’ve never thought anything remotely close to what he’s saying.
But I promised to tell you why I think he’s great…
Trump exposed something, albeit by accident. Once this election is over, win or lose for him, he’s going to say he did it on purpose, I’m sure. He exposed the hypocrisy, imbalance, and the overall crookedness of politicians, both Republican and Democratic. He exposed a lot more, but I’ll get to that.
Trump became the Republican nominee for president, due mostly to the incompetence of the men who were vying for the same position. He fought dirty too. He attacked them personally, he attacked their families, he insulted minorities, he attacked religions, he even insulted disabled people to their faces. But he got the fucking nominee!
“I can’t believe he actually got in,” Buzz said. “You’ll see how he’s going to shake things up now!”
Trump had exposed something else, not so thinly veiled, lurking just under the surface of America’s culture. There are people who want change, and not the kind Obama was boasting about all those years ago. He applied what I can only call “white trash politics”, appealing mainly to grown men with fake testicles hanging from the bottom of their trucks. “Mexicans are bad and destroying this country”, “We need to bomb everyone”, “Stop all muslims from coming into the country and round up the ones who are already here”, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. I can go on, but I feel dirty just thinking about this shit.
These are the Americans most of us (especially up here in Union states) like to pretend don’t exist. They believe the Republican party is the party of the people, and they will somehow save us from the crooked liberals, who just want to take their guns and tax them to death. They, like most of the people in the country, are blind to see the true picture. Politics are a game, and the deck is stacked against every single one of us blue-collared suckers. Anyone who believes this country isn’t owned by super-conglomerates needs to wake up.
Cue the lizard-people theorists…
But I went off on a tangent again. What I wanted to say before I went all conspiracy nutcase was that Trump uncovered that this way of thinking was far from dead. He wouldn’t have gotten to where he currently is if it wasn’t. And it’s not about racists being for Trump; it’s about the gullibility of Americans. Trust me when I say what Hillary is doing the exact same thing on the other side of the political coin, so, once again, I am in no way saying she’s innocent.
“Can you believe this guy?” Buzz said, continuing his daily statement on Donald Trump. “He’s going to piss off more people than he brings over to his side.”
This was the point when people became disenfranchised with their nominee. I’ve watched the republican voters in my office flip-flop on this guy for the better part of the last year. Here’s where Trump exposed the hypocrisy of republicans, no, the hypocrisy of all voters. They were willing to turn on him when it looked like they were forced to support someone they had no want to support.
But wait… It gets better.
The democrats picked their nominee: Hillary Clinton. Or, I should say, Hillary rigged the system to nominate herself. Explain to me how she got all those super delegates again? Forget it, I don’t care anymore. She’s the democrat’s man, and they’re sticking to her.
“We need Trump in that office,” Buzz said. “We sure as hell don’t want Hillary in there!”
Another flip-flop. See the pattern yet? They didn’t want Trump in the office, but they hate Hillary more, so the support returned. Now he’s exposed the flaws of the two-party system. Bernie Sanders was done and gone at this point, and there’s not even a chance of him somehow popping up to save anyone. If there was anyone who had a chance to dethrone trump on the right side (and it would’ve been Jeb Bush probably, if he didn’t puss out so early), they have no chance either. There’s Gary Johnson, but he looks more and more like a joke every time he opens his mouth.
At least that’s what the corporate-owned media wants to show you.
So let’s jump forward again, because I’m going a little long with this rant of mine. Here’s one thing Trump hit on big time: sexism is not only still lurking, but it’s stalking.
Call what he said on those leaked tapes “locker room talk”. Call it “admittance of sexual assault”. The right and left can argue all day over which it was. I can only say this: I have been in many locker rooms, and I have never said or overheard anything that disgusting. Mostly, I just try to change and hide my penis from view. Sure, men talk about their sexual dominance regularly, but I believe it’s rare to hear someone admit to forcing himself onto women, married women, and grabbing them by the genitalia because they don’t say no when you’re famous.
“Guys used to be at the stripclub,” Buzz said, “groping and pulling dollars out of g-strings. How is that any different than what he’s talking about?”
Because it just is, Buzz. He apparently didn’t hear the entire quote, but that’s par for the course with a die-hard Trump fanatic. He also doesn’t realize the average stripper-groper isn’t running for president (he already was president from ‘92-’00).
I am going to talk about the debates for a moment. As of my writing of this, there have been two presidential debates, and I have watched both. I’m very good at reading people, and I saw a lot in Trump. I saw a man becoming desperate for attention. I saw a man proving that he can basically say anything he wants, even if it contradicts something he’s said in the past, and still remain a viable option for president of the United States.
The second debate was more brutal than the first. This directly followed the start of Pussygate, and it started with Trump marching out four women who claim to have been raped by Bill Clinton in a vain attempt to deflect the disgusting remarks he was caught on tape saying. To me, this came off as extremely desperate. He’s been trying like crazy to find Hillary Clinton’s kryptonite, and he’s starting to get pissed off that she has an answer, retort, or rebuttal to anything he has to throw at her.
But that’s a real politician, Donald. My father always said the best politicians are the best liars, and that’s the truth. Hillary’s prepared with an excuse, story, or apology for anything that comes her way. She doesn’t, as Trump does, flounder or try to lie his way out of situations, which seems to have caused him more trouble than he’s willing to admit.
Trump also didn’t have the foresight to delete his old tweets, so they’ll keep biting him on the nuts whenever he says something that he contradicts with something he’s said in the past. It’s not fair, and I agree that people and viewpoints change, but some advisor or another should have talked to him about this when he decided to run. The best advice Hillary ever gave him was “delete your account”. He should have. Her supporters wouldn’t have that slew of contradictory statements to use against him if he had.
Let me give credit where it’s due. Trump is an amazing entertainer. He wouldn’t have been on that many seasons of the Apprentice if he wasn’t. This was the major flaw in America’s logic from day one. Trump was entertaining to watch, so more and more people wanted to see him make it further. He has a WWE-esque flair for showmanship, and it comes through every time he holds a rally. Just watch the second debate, where he gets a pop from the audience when he claims Clinton should be in jail. He realizes he has gold, and he continues, ranting about how she belongs in jail and how he’s going to make sure, if elected, that she gets put away. Aside from giving her a compliment when she couldn’t bring herself to directly give him one, this was his best moment for him out of both debates.
The rest of the debates, on the other hand, were a train wreck for Trump. He was boisterous, bratty, dodgy, interruptive, filibustering, and whiny when any of this was pointed out to him. He claimed to have won both debates, and his followers once again made his point for him, taking to social media, because if enough people claim something to be true, it becomes the truth. The old cliché is true: history is written by the winners. The only change Trump made is that he didn’t actually have to win to change the facts.
But let me get back to why Trump is great, since I’m now jumping all over the place like Trump when asked a direct question. I only have a few more points to make, so you won’t be with me much longer. The media is fucked. Yes, we already knew that. What Trump has done is confirm, beyond any doubt, who is actually running the media circus. I, myself, have scoffed at Republicans and their “liberal media” excuses every time I hear them, but there’s no denying they exist after the shit storm they’re showing Trump. Hell, they’re posting Howard Stern interviews from over a decade ago, and they’re claiming it as news.
I’m not saying the media shit storm against Trump isn’t unfair. He did poke the proverbial bear. Even Fox News, the mouthpiece of the Republican Party, was burned by him. These organizations are supposed to be biased, but they’ve proven who they want, and her name is Hill-Dawg. I probably see twenty negative news stories about Trump to every one about Hillary, and the Trump ones seem to stick around longer.
But what did Trump expect, honestly?! He got caught, owned it, and apologized for his remarks on that bus he said to that douche-nozzle, Billy Bush. Then, in a true act of desperation, he drags four women who claimed to have been raped by Bill Clinton (husband of the Democratic Nominee and not the actual nominee) to the second debate to shove in her face. She kept her cool about it for the most part, but you’re reaping what you’ve sown, Donald. You pissed off the media, and she’s using it against you now. You’ve exposed that they’re as crooked as we always thought, but you made that bed and pissed in it yourself.
“Why are all these women popping up to talk about what Trump did years ago?” Buzz asked, eliciting an answer from nobody. “This all happened in the past! I bet Hillary is behind all this.”
No shit, Buzz? He marched out four women accusing her husband of rape. Did you not think Hillary would respond in kind?! Do you have any idea the maniacal mind underneath her power haircut?!
Let me move on. I may be jumping back a step, but that’s how these rants of mine usually work. The rest of the GOP turned its back on Trump following this Pussygate scandal of his. One-time presidential hopefully, John McCain, a man who once told his wife she looked like a trollop and called her a cunt, took back his endorsement and said he would not vote for him. Arnold Schwarzenegger, former Republican governor of California, a man who cheated on his wife with their maid, knocked her up, and hid the kid for years, also pulled his support of The Donald. The list goes on and on and on. Most are calling for him to concede the election, and there’s even talk of his running mate secretly wanting to jump ship. Thank you for being such a shit that these guys turned on you. You’ve exposed, once again, the insane amount of hypocrisy in the party in which you’re running. They wanted The Donald, they got The Donald, and now they can’t handle The Mother Fucking Donald. Their party should be disbanded due to this level of fuckery. They’re just packing it in, hoping Hillary wins it, and saying: “Fuck it. We’ll try this again in twenty-twenty.”
As of this morning, Trump is now blowing up about the election being rigged. If the headline I read was accurate, then he’s calling in some republican lawyers to look into this. That’s how the mind of Donal Trump works: “If I’m losing the game, then it must be rigged”. This is catastrophically stupid for our country and its electoral process. If there’s even a shred of evidence linked to this claim, and I’m not saying there is or isn’t, then this whole election is a wash. Hell, he may end up giving Obama another four years so they can straighten this all up before the twenty-twenty election. Trump screaming that the election is rigged and turning our electoral process on its head is akin to a ten-year-old flipping over a Monopoly board because he landed on Boardwalk with a hotel. I’m undecided on whether or not this would be a good thing. I’d enjoy the political anarchy that would ensue at least, as long as nobody gets hurt.
Trump doesn’t realize he’s playing with fire with his sociopathic rantings about rigged elections and whatnot. His fans and supporters are already asking Pence if they should riot and rebel if Trump loses, and Pence had to tell him not to. Imagine that: a man so homophobic and anti-abortion that he can only be a closeted gay christian conservative who was an abortion survivor. If Trump carries on like this, the consequence could be dire for a lot of people, and he’s too up his own asshole to care.
“Did you see the Trump tee shirts they’re selling?” Buzz asked. “‘Trump Hillary’ and ‘Hillary sucks, but Monica sucks better’.”
OK. Buzz is just talking about shirts at this point. I think it’s safe to say he’s done.
As I get ready to close this exercise in nonsensical writing, I have one more piece of life that was revealed by Donald Trump’s road to the white house. Trump has exposed the people in my life from which I now know to stay far away. The Trump’s supporters I know range from “He’s a joke, but I need to keep Hilary out of the office” to “let’s make America great again, and grab it by the pussy”. The latter are the people from which I am really going to start distancing myself.
It’s not that they support Trump; that I don’t mind. It’s that they defend him, and I can’t stand how they do it. I can tell that most of them are supporting their party and defending our nation from the villainous Hillary Clinton, but there are those who embody what Trump has been saying, support the downright lies, and repeat his disgusting comments like it’s gospel.
So, in the end, Donald Trump has been great for our county. We now know more about ourselves and those who govern us. More specifically, we know who to avoid in the future. We know not to trust the news or anything on TV, even if it’s about those subjects we support. We know that racism and sexism are alive and well, and it probably will be for a long time. We now have undeniable truth that politicians across the board are two-faced liars and betrayers. Finally, we know that anyone with some money to throw around can say whatever he wants, and a large population of our country will blindly follow if it sounds good enough to believe, to whatever end.
Trump may have failed in his quest to make America great again, but at least we now know why it’s not. Maybe we’ll wise up and do something about it.
Then again, our corporate sponsors don’t really like change.
Thank you, and God bless America; God bless the fuck out of it.