The Bulge: Immortan Joe Reviews Pop Music

Budgie Bigelow sits in a directors chair, facing the camera. The scene goes from black as the lights are turned up. “Hello,” he says. “Welcome to a very special edition of The Bulge by me, Budgie Bigelow; published author and pop culture expert. Today I have a very special guest: The villian from Mad Max: Fury Road, Immortan Joe. Thanks for being here, Joe.”

“It’s a pleasure to be here, Budgie,” Immortan Joe says in his raspy voice. His skin is white and dry, and his long hair is the same. His gas mask is jeweled with human teeth on the front, and the back of his breathing apparatus rises and falls like an accordion.

“Your new movie, Mad Max: Fury Road, is out on Blu-Ray right now,” Budgie Bigelow says. “But I’d like to do something different than normal today. I heard you’re an aficionado of pop music.”

“That I am,” Immortan Joe replies.

“I wonder if you’d be interested in rating a few recent chart-toppers today,” Budgie says.

“I would love to!” Immortan Joe replies.

“Alright,” Budgie says, shifting in his seat and pulling some light-blue cards from his pocket. “Our first song is by Meghan Trainor, and it’s called; Lips Are Movin’.”

“I know you lie
Cuz your lips are moving
Tell me do you think I’m dumb?
I might be young, but I ain’t stupid
Talking around in circles with your tongue
I gave you bass, You gave me sweet talk
Saying how I’m your number one
But I know you lie
Cuz your lips are moving
Baby don’t you know I’m done” 

“MEDIOCRE!” Immortan Joe shouts through this gas mask, loud enough to make Budgie jump.

“Agreed,” Budgie says. “Did you like her previous hit: All About The Bass?”

“Another fat girl anthem,” Immortan Joe says. “I googled her body. She’s not really fat-fat, but her body is still… MEDIOCRE!”

“Agreed again,” Budgie says. “Do you want to do another?”

“Sure,” Immotan Joe replies. “This is fun.”

“Alright,” Budgie says. “Up next, we have ‘Love Me Like You Do’ by Ellie Goulding.”

♪ “So love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do
Love me like you do, lo-lo-love me like you do
Touch me like you do, to-to-touch me like you do
What are you waiting for?”

“MEDIOCRE!” Immortan Joe exclaims.

“Care to elaborate?” Budgie asks.

“I do not feel that I need to,” Immortan Joe replies.

“OK,” Budgie says, tossing the card aside. “This one has been has been extremely popular. ‘Bad Blood’ by Taylor Swift.”

♪ “‘Cuz, baby, now we got bad blood
You know it used to be mad love
So take a look what you’ve do-one
‘Cause, baby, now we got bad blood

“MEDIOCRE!” Immortan Joe shouts. “I should disembowel you for making me listen to that talentless harpie.”

“How about I change things up a bit?” Budgie says, visibly frightened. “Here’s ‘Renegades’ by X Ambassadors.”

♪ “And I say
Hey, hey hey hey
Living like we’re renegades
Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Living like we’re renegades
Renegades, renegades”

Immortan Joe sighs. “Another lackluster alternative band?” he says, rolling his eyes. “MEDIOCRE!”

“We’re going through these quick now,” Budgie says. “Here’s Andy Grammer with ‘Honey I’m Good’.”

♪ “Nah nah, honey I’m good – ” ♪

“MEDIOCRE!” Immortan Joe shouts.

“Don’t you want to hear the entire clip?” Budgie asks.

“I said… MEDIOCRE!” Immortan Joe exclaims. “Don’t you dare play another millisecond of that.”

“We only have a couple more here,” Budgie says. “Here’s another alterna-pop hit. ‘Shut Up and Dance’ by the band, Walk The Moon.”

“Oh don’t you dare look back
Just keep your eyes on me.
I said you’re holding back,
She said shut up and dance with me!
This woman is my destiny
She said oh oh oh
Shut up and dance with me”

“This one is actually quite catchy,” Immortan Joe says. “But after the hundredth time I heard it during a two hour car trip it became…. MEDIOCRE!”

“Last one, Joe,” Budgie says. “It’s Demi Lavato with ‘Cool For The Summer’.”

♪ “Don’t tell your mother
Kiss one another
Die for each other
We’re cool for the summer

Ooh, ooh

Take me down into your paradise
Don’t be scared ’cause I’m your body ty-ype
Just something that we wanna try
‘Cuz you and I
We’re cool for the summer
We’re cool for the summer
We’re cool for the summer” ♪

Immortan Joe sighs, loud enough to be heard through his mask. “Another borderline bisexual song, trying to gain popularity this way instead of writing something worth writing,” he said. “Like ‘I Kissed a Girl’ by Katy Perry, I find this pandering hot-mess of a song…. MEDIOCRE!”

“There you have it,” Budgie says. “Thank you so much for joining us, Joe.”

“You are most welcome, Budgie,” Immortan Joe says. “I would love to do it again.”

“I’d love to have you back to get your take on all the new television shows coming out this fall,” Budgie says.

“Sure,” Immortan Joe says. “That can easily be arranged.”

“By the way,” Budgie says. “What do you think of this installment of The Bulge?”


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