Who is Nikola Tesla?
“THE MAN WHO INVENTED THE TWENTIETH CENTURY” IS A BIOGRAPHY OF THIS SCIENTIST BORN IN THE BALKANS
Alex Trebek read the Final Jeopardy question aloud as usual then listened to the thinking music play. This was always the part of Jeopardy he liked the most. The part where everyone just shut up and he can reflect on a job well done. It was one of the few times Alex could take a breath and relax his overworked brain. The moments after Final Jeopardy was read was Alex’s happy place.
The music stopped and Alex had to come back to reality.
“OK, contestants, let’s see what you have,” he said. Alex first turned to Nate who was a tall bespectacled brown haired man. “Nate you were first let’s see your response.” The blue screen changed and Who is Nikola Tesla? was sloppily written across the blue. “That is correct. What did you wager?” Alex asked as the bottom half of the blue screen revealed $3,000 written on it. “That brings your total up to $9,900 dollars and the lead.”
The audience clapped.
“Emily, what was you response?” Alex said to the plump blonde woman in the dark blue dress. Emily’s top half of her blue screen had Who is Albert Einstein? written across. Emily already had that I fucked up look on her face that Alex saw quite often. “I’m sorry that is incorrect,” Alex said with just the right amount of pity in his voice. “What did you wager?” he asked as the bottom screen changed to reveal $200. “That brings you to $8,000.”
Alex turned to the last contestant who only had $100 on the board. He had answered an easy question in his thick Albanian accent when the game opened and hadn’t buzzed in at all throughout the rest of the game. A tuft of black curly hair could be seen where his shirt was buttoned near the neck and he had a dense beard hanging off his tan skinned face.
“And last but not least, Fatmir,” Alex said nervously addressing this odd contestant. “What is your answer?”
Fatmir smiled as the screen revealed the phrase We have Lisbeth.
The audience went silent and Nate and Emily stared in shock. A cold sweat came over Alex as he shakily asked what he always did at this part. “What was your wager?”
The bottom part of Fatmir’s screen revealed the phrase YOU WORK FOR RUBY SCORPION OR SHE’S DEAD in sloppy white letters.
Alex felt his blood go cold as the broad-chested Albanian chuckled. Alex had dealt with the Ruby Scorpion before, and it did not end well.
Alex’s paralysis was broken when he finally had enough of Fatmir’s ugly tan face giggling at his expense. He rushed the stand where Fatmir stood and tackled him to the ground. He slammed Fatmir’s fat head into the ground twice before putting his forearm across his neck. “I retired, you Albo scum!” Alex spat. “I won’t go back.”
“You are not retired,” Fatmir said calmly. “Not until the Ruby Scorpion is done with you.” A thick white foam started to ooze from Fatmir’s mouth.
“Fucking cyanid capsule!” Alec spat letting releasing Fatmir. He stood up and saw the quickly emptying arena and the big blue board. He had always done his precious game show, but now he once again had business with the Albanian crime syndicate known as Ruby Scorpion.
And they just made it personal.
Who is Alex Trebek?
The year was 2005 when Fatmir didn’t guess “Who is Nikola Tesla?” on the Final Jeopardy clue. Alex Trebek had hosted his game show since 1984 and loved it immensely. The contestants, the audience, and the responses. Alex loved it all. Besides, it was the perfect cover for a retired spy.
Alex watched intently as Fatmir’s body was wheeled out of the studio. Thoughts of his Final Jeopardy response echoed in his mind. “We have Lisbeth”, Fatmir wrote. Ever since the beginning rounds of the show when Alex interviewed him he felt uneasy. Fatmir’s answers to the simple questions were one word answers that got no reaction from the crowd. Alex wondered how his producers had let this man on the show to begin with.
“And you’re absolutely sure you’ve never met this man before?” the FBI field agent asked making notes in a little pad.
“No,” Alex responded.
“Can you tell me anything about this ‘Lisbeth’ he mentioned?” the field agent asked jotting furiously on this little pad.
“No,” Alex said.
“Is there anything you can tell us?” the field agent asked.
“Don’t fuck with the Albanians,” Alex said.
The field agent closed his notepad and walked away.
Alex Trebek was born George Alexander Trebek in Ontario to a Ukrainian immigrant chef father.
Or so it said on paper.
In reality Alex Trebek was born to an Ontarian drunk and a Ukrainian whore named Red Delicious. He had snuck into America in his teens and instantly set up shop conning rich old men out of their fortunes and beating the shit out of his competition. He was so good the CIA took notice an asked him to step up to play with the big boys.
When he was twenty two years old he became a field agent and specialized foreign missions involving interrogation and assassination. In 1984 he became the host of Jeopardy to hone his skills and give him a cover why some heat died down. For all intents and purposes Alex had retired from the field and spent his time hosting Jeopardy among other projects.
That was until 1989.
In 1989 the CIA came to Alex to tell him he was needed for a mission. Using a sabbatical from the game show as a cover Alex was sent back into action in Albania.
What is Albania, 1989?
Alex arrived in Albania in the cold winter of 1989. He was on his fifth year of hosting Jeopardy and life was good. He was dating a nice woman by the name of Jean and Alex had every intention of making her the second Mrs. Trebek (the first Mrs. Trebek being a marriage of connivence set up by the FBI via the Witness Protection Program).
Alex’s mission was simple: Find out what he can about the Ruby Scorpion and take out its leader if possible. Alex had read his dossier on Ruby Scorpion on the plane ride from America. The Albanian ran mafia outfit operated in the heart of Albania, but had circles in France, Italy, and England. There was even rumors of a small branch starting to form in America.
The Ruby Scorpion specialized in transporting drugs (mostly methamphetamine) and human trafficking. They were currently feuding with a smaller mafia operation (The Golden Sunshine Gang) and were winning.
Alex hopped in a cab as soon as he was off his plane and met with his contact Adelina. Adelina had been following the Golden Sunshine Gang and The Ruby Scorpion closely. She had roots with the CIA, but was Albanian Intelligence. Together Alex and Adelina had gotten into the Ruby Scorpion (the leader at the time was a huge Jeopardy fan) and was able to take him out and freed four hundred women that were currently being trafficked to Eastern European countries for prostitution rings.
Alex had put his love for Jean aside as he and Adelina became lovers. He spent an extra three weeks in Albania mostly wrapped in her body in one way or another. She was an open book sexually and had no inhibitions. She did things to Alex that no woman ever had done or had done since. When it was finally time for Alex to say goodbye to Albania and Adelina he begged her to come to America.
“Jean means little compared to you, my love,” Alex said on one knee. “If you come back to America with me I will make you my wife and we’ll live the rest our lives off my Jeopardy money.”
“I love you as well, Alex,” Adelina said in her Albanian accent. “But my place is here with my people. There is much work to do if these crimes against women are to be stopped.”
“Then I’ll stay,” Alex said. “I will do everything I can to help you.”
“No,” Adelina said. “Your place is at home with your Jeopardy. Not here with me.”
In the end Alex was forced to go home. The pressure from the CIA for Alex to be debriefed and move back to Burbank was too much. He went home, settled in, went back to hosting Jeopardy, and married Jean. It was close to a year later when he got the letter from Adeline in secret. Enclosed in the letter was a photo of their baby daughter Lisbeth.
What are old connections?
Alex never told his wife or anyone about Adeline or their daughter Lisbeth. It was a secret he kept to himself. Although he had never met or even spoken to his daughter he did have strong feelings for her. At one point he had tried to track down Adeline to see Lisbeth at least once in his life, but she had gone off the grid. There wasn’t a day that went by over the last fifteen years hat Alex didn’t think of that little girl.
And now The Ruby Scorpion had her and Alex intended to get her back.
Alex called up his old time associate Bernard “The Bull” Romano who was retired FBI. Romano specialized in finding lost people. If anyone would be able to help him find the Ruby Scorpion it would be him.
Bernard picked up his phone on the first ring. “You got The Bull,” he said.
“By the horns, my old friend,” Alex said.
“Alex Trebek,” Bernard said. “It’s been a long time.”
“Too long,” Alex said.
“I heard what happened from our field agent,” Bernard said. “I knew you’d be calling and I’ll do whatever I can do help. I’ve already got a line on Ruby Scorpion. How soon can you be in Albania?”
“I’m taking the Jeopardy jet as soon as possible,” Alex said. “I should be knee deep in Albos by tomorrow evening with the time distance,” Alex said. He had already contacted his old friend Tommy who can get him in and out of anywhere with no questions asked.
“Good,” Bernard said. “Your contact’s name is Edvin Hamza. He works for Albanian Intelligence. He won’t be able to get you inside the Ruby Scorpion, but he’ll know where to start. Meet him at 2020 Kameza in Tirana.”
“I need one more favor,” Alex asked.
“For you? Anything,” Bernard said. “You saved my ass three time back in Venezuela.”
“Get me contact info for Adeline Nooja.”
Alex boarded the plane for Albania and closed his eyes. Thoughts of what the Ruby Scorpion would do to his daughter circled in his brain. He knew the operation good enough to know they had no intention of letting her go now that they had their greasy Albo hands on her. Even if Alex did what they said they would kill him and sell her into prostitution either way.
Once he was on the ground in Albania he met his contact immediately. Alex’s Albanian was rusty, so luckily his contact Edvin was fluent in English.
“Welcome to Albanian, friend,” Edvin said.
“Thank you,” Alex said. “But I don’t have a lot of time. Every second that passes my daughter gets closer to being sold by the Ruby Scorpion. What can you tell me?”
“Start with a low level thug that goes by the name Noli and hangs out down by the square,” Edvin said. “He doesn’t traffic the girls, but he does pimp for the Ruby Scorpion. He knows where the girls come from. Bernard said you’re an excellent interrogator.”
“I was,” Alex said.
“Then you should be able to get the information,” Edvin said. “I have one more thing for you at Bernard’s request.” Edvin led Alex into a room in the back ot the small house. Edvin opened the door to a small windowless room and inside he saw Adeline. She had aged fifteen years, but she was every bit as beautiful as the day he last laid eyes on her.
“Alex!” she shouted running into his arms. “I’m so sorry. I’ve been hiding from them for years, but they finally found us. Oh God. I don’t know how, but they found us and took Lisbeth! She’s just a girl, Alex!”
“I know,” Alex said holding Adeline. “I need information from you. If you have a recent picture of Lisbeth that will help too.”
“Can you find her?” Adeline said wiping the tears from her cheeks. Seeing Alex again after all these years after their daughter was taken was very emotional for her. She reached in her purse and handed Alex the picture of Lisbeth. “She has your eyes,” she said. “Can you make whoever took her from me pay?”
“I’ll do my best,” Alex said. “If I have to torture every last greasy pube-chested Albo in this god forsaken shit hole country to do so I will.”
Who is Noli the pimp?
Alex sat back in his stolen Volkswagen and watched Noli the pimp hard at work. He was a fat man who dressed in a stained tee shirt and pants that looked two sizes too small. Alex watched as he slapped a girl on the back of the head for missing an opportunity with a client then went back into his own car to eat a half a dozen powered donuts.
Alex waited all night, and at four AM Noli finally finished his shift and drove off. After waiting a few seconds Alex put his car into gear and followed. Noli lived in a small house not too far from where he pimped. Alex knew from Edvin’s intel that Noli only squatted here on working days. He had a big estate some miles north of here, but only went home when he wasn’t hard at work slapping his whores around.
Noli walked into his small house and flipped a switch. When the light went on Alex was standing in front of him.
“This…. Is… Jeopardy!” Alex said as he knocked Noli in the side of the head with his toaster. Noli went down hard and lay on the ground unconscious. Then Alex set up shop.
Some time later Noli was slapped awake by Alex. He noticed he was standing up and there was a noose around his neck and he was standing on a chair. He didn’t know how he had gotten into his position, but it probably had a lot to do with the man sitting in front of him.
“You’re the guy from the show!” Noli said in Albanian. “You’re the Jeopardy guy!”
“That will save us some time,” Alex said. His Albanian wasn’t perfect, but it was good enough for Noli to understand. “You’re going to tell me where your girls come in from.”
“What?” Noli said. “What do you care?”
“Sorry, that response is incorrect,” Alex said using a small knife to make a small cut across Noli’s right calf.
Noli staggered and quickly regained his footing on the chair.
“I’ll repeat myself,” Alex said in a patient tone. “You’re going to tell me where your girls come in from.”
“I don’t know,” Noli said. “I don’t know I swear!”
“Oooo,” Alex said. “I’m afraid that’s incorrect as well.” Alex used his knife once more and made a larger cut above Noli’s left knee. Noli winced in pain, but once again kept his balance. “You’re going to tel me where the girls come in from, Noli.”
“Fuck you!” Nilo spat.
Alex stabbed Noli hard in the right kneecap. He screamed out in pain and fought hard to keep his balance with his left leg. The chair he was balanced on was covered in blood and Noli had to struggle to keep from slipping.
“If you are wrong, the value of the answer will be deducted from your score,” Alex said. “You will tell me where your girls come in from.”
“There’s a warehouse,” Noli said panting. “Off Burlusconi. It has a red roof. The Ruby Scorpion sends the girls from there.”
Alex stood up and turned to walk out.
“Hey!” Noli yelled. “I answered you. You have to let me down!”
“I’m sorry,” Alex said. “But your response wasn’t in the form of a question.”
Noli’s eyes widened as Alex kicked the chair our from under him. He made a small gurgling noise as the rope cut off his air, and he died swinging.
What is the warehouse on Burlsconi?
The two dead bodies near the entrance of the warehouse with the red roof on Burlsconi was indication that Alex Trebek had arrived. He had snuck up on one of the men and cut his throat with the same knife he used to torture Noli. When the other guard turned around Trebek launched his knife into his neck. He fell to the ground with a gurgle. Trebek took his knife back from the guard’s neck and walked into the building.
In the center of warehouse there was a round table with five Albanians around it playing cards and drinking Amstels. “Good morning, gentlemen,” Alex said in Albanian.
“Who are you?” one of the men said not bothering to get up.
“I’m looking for the head of the Ruby Scorpion,” Alex said.
The men at the table laughed. “You can go fuck yourself,” the man who addressed him before said.
“Judges?” Alex said. He reached behind him and pulled out two guns from he had holstered under his jacket and aimed at the men at the table. The man who had told Trebek to fuck himself noticed the name ‘JUDGE’ etched on the sides of the guns before they started barking bullets.
Bullet bit into flesh and cracked bone as Alex emptied the clips of his judges into the Albanians. In an instant four of the five men were dead and lay in pools of blood and brain. The sole survivor had bullet wounds in his shoulder and legs and crawled desperately trying to get away from this mad man.
The man looked up to see the end of Trebek’s gun pointed at his chest. He dug the tip of his shoe into the bullet wound on his shoulder and it rang out in agony. “The head of the Ruby Scorpion,” he said.
“Agani,” the man said. “Ramiz Agani. Please have mercy.”
“You found the Daily Double,” Alex said pumping two bullets into his chest.
Who is Ramiz Agani?
Ramiz Agani took a deep drink from his large goblet of wine. Life was good for the leader of the Ruby Scorpion. His base was growing and he had girls moving all over Europe and Russia. He even had the prick Alex Trebek’s kid daughter in his mansion in case Trebek didn’t like the deal his old dead friend Fatmir had offered. He planned on shipping her off to whore in Siberia either way, but it was still fun to pretend Trebek could get her back. He cut his rare steak and put a piece in his mouth. It was marvelous being on top.
Ramiz would have thought differently if he knew who would be coming through his door.
The guards turned to look down the drive that connected the Agani mansion to the main road. It was a woodsy path that was only taken by Agani and his staff or anyone that had business here. They heard the engine and didn’t have time to move out of the way as the Hummer driven by Alex Trebek ran them down and drove through the front doors right into Again’s living room.
The guards and staff of Agani looked at the scene in shock. They didn’t know what to think when the sunroof opened and Alex Trebek popped out holding twin uzis. “All contestants of Jeopardy receive the home game,” he said opening fire on the guards. Man after man was gunned down as Alex emptied the clips of his uzis.
Alex stepped down from the hood of the Hummer dropping the empty uzis behind him. He reached to the front of his pants and pulled out two 9 millimeters with full clips. He ducked behind the hummer as two more guards opened fire on him with automatic weapons. When the firing died down Trebek popped up and and put a bullet in both men’s head.
Alex walked towards the staircase and an asian man popped out trying to do karate moves on him. Alex caught the man mid-dropkick and tossed him into a wall. The man fell in a heap, and Alex put a bullet in his head for good measure.
Alex forced his way through the pain and made his way upstairs. He wasn’t a young man anymore and his recent activities were catching up to him. He longed to be reading his cards to his contestants and listening to the Final Jeopardy thinking music while letting his mind wander, but they had his Lisbeth. Now they were gong to pay.
Alex walked down the hallway and he saw someone from his past. A man named Boris The Bear. Alex had tangled with The Bear in Moscow a while back and ended up with two cracked ribs. Boris was builr with thick muscle, 5’8″, and was evidently now working for Ramiz Agani and stood in the way of Alex saving young Lisbeth.
“Walk away, Trebek,” The Bear said in his thick Ukraine accent.
“Sorry,” Alex said. “This time it’s personal.” Alex threw his guns down. “I never should have let you lived after you killed my partner on that cold Moscow night.”
“I’ll take ‘Cry me a river’ for two hundred, Alex,” The Bear said.
“You dirty mother fucker!” Alex yelled running at The Bear.
The Bear swung high and Alex ducked delivering quick blows to The Bear’s kidney. The Bear delivered a double handed blow to Alex’s back and he fell to the floor. The bear picked Alex up and threw him into a wall. It dented inwards and Alex fell to the ground again. He tried to get up, but The Bear hit him twice in the head. The second blow split Alex’s lip and he could taste his own blood.
Then Alex got mad.
Alex got up and punched The Bear in the throat. The Bear’s hand when to his neck and Alex headbutt him in the nose breaking it. The Bear staggered backwards towards a window. Alex delivered a pump kick to The Bear’s midsection and sent him out of the window and onto the driveway below where he landed on his neck and was crippled.
“This expression of contempt can be used as a high level of offensive matter, whereas it is intended to hurt another person,” Alex said looking out the broken window at The Bear’s twitching body. “Nobody? What is ‘Go fuck yourself’?”
Alex turned away from the gruesome scene and picked up one of his guns. He then searched the rest of the upstairs rooms for Agani. He found him in the master bedroom at the end of the hall.
When Alex entered the room he was greeted by Agani holding a gun to Lisbeth’s head. He had never seen her in his life, but he recognized her face. It was the face of his dear Adeline. “Drop the gun, Trebek,” Agani said. He had Lisbeth gagged and he stood on a chair. A noose was tied around her neck. Alex dropped his gun.
“Look familiar?” Agani asked. “Isn’t this how you killed Noli? He was my brother-in-law!”
“Let her go,” Alex said. “Your business is with me!”
“You can’t kill me and save her!” Agani said. “Goodbye, Trebek!”
Agani kicked the chair Lisbeth was standing on and ran out of a door in the back of the bedroom. Alex ignored Agani and rushed to Lisbeth’s aid. He tried to pull her free, but the rope was to tight. He reached to his ankle and pulled up the small throwing knife he kept there for emergencies. He rubbed the blade furiously against the rope as Lisbeth struggled for breath. He finally got the rope cut and she fell to the floor. Alex went down on one knee and helped her up.
“Thank you,” Lisbeth said looking into her father’s face for the first time in her life.
“Don’t mention it, kid,” Alex replied with a smile.
Alex and his daughter left the bullet riddled mansion and got into one of the Albanian thugs Audis. They began their drive down the path that led out of the woods.
“What about your Hummer?” Lisbeth asked.
“Think of it as a parting gift,” Alex said reaching in his pocket. He pulled out a small electronic device and pressed it. The mansion exploded in a ball of fire behind him.
What is a reunion?
Alex brought Lisbeth to her mother who was still staying in Edvin’s safe house. Lisbeth was treating her injuries, but was grateful to be freed. She hadn’t had much hope of being rescued (let alone by her estranged father).
“Thank you so much,” Adeline said hugging her daughter fiercely. “I could never repay you!”
“And you’ll never have to,” Alex said. “Just letting me say goodbye is all I’ve ever wanted.”
“I am so sorry we have to go back into hiding,” Adeline said. “But we’ll never be safe.”
“Don’t regret a thing,” Alex said. “You’ve done great things with your life. You saved a lot of young girls in need. I think it’s time you and Lisbeth take a permanent vacation.” Alex dropped two plane tickets to Canada on the bed. “My contact in Montreal will get you as soon as your plane lands. He’ll take you to your new home and give you new identities. You’l finally be able to live how you deserve.”
“How did you do this?” Adeline asked.
“Jeopardy,” Alex said.
“Oh,” Adeline replied. “I see.”
“Mr. Trebek,” Lisbeth said. Suddenly she looked embarrassed. “I mean Dad. Will we ever see you again?”
“Sure you will,” Alex said with a smile. “Every monday through Friday. Check your local listings for time and channel.”
“What about Agani?” Lisbeth asked. “Is he really going to get away with what he did to me?”
“I called in one more favor from Jeopardy,” Alex said with a smirk.
Epilogue for 1,000.
Ramiz Agani sat in his mansion watching the snow fall outside. It wasn’t exactly his mansion, but it would do under the circumstances. Since that damn Alex Trebek had blown up his home, destroyed his prostitution business, gave information to Interpol about his meth ring, and killed nearly every one of his friends he had to lay low. He was currently staying in a friends home. He needed time to rebuild old associations and to rebuild the broken Ruby Scorpion from the ashes.
Ramiz sat at his large table by himself. He had the remainder of his syndicate all in this house. He didn’t want anything to happen to those he valued. Besides, who knew when trouble might come by.
The home’s butler came in with the covered plate containing Ramiz’s dinner. Ramiz licked his lips as he lifted the silver lid. He was in shocked confusion when his dinner wasn’t there. Just a blue envelope that said “Potpourri” and under that “$1,000”. Razim lifted the card with a shaking hand and red aloud.
The man who is going to put a bullet in your greasy Albanian head.
Ramiz looked up and noticed the butler had taken off a wig and and fake nose. He saw the one man he feared would find him even out in this mountain home.
“Who is Alex Trebek?” Ramiz almost whispered.
“You’re goddamn correct, mother fucker,” Alex said lifting his gun and spraying Ramiz’s brains all lover the walls.
What is The End?