What follows is the alternate ending to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows that JK Rowling originally intended to put in her book. Her publisher found it too dark and was able to talk her into changing it to the super happy ending we all know. Rowling leaked this recently for some unknown reason. Perhaps to spark new discussion on her work.
Without further ado, here is the lost epilogue to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Enjoy!
Harry and Ron stood on top of the large stone staircase that led down to the great hall. They looked at each other and laughed.
“Ready, Ron?” Harry asked.
“Yeah. Let’s do this.”
Together, Harry and Ron lugged Voldemort’s body to the edge of the stairs and pushed it down. Voldemort’s lifeless corpse tumbled all the way to the bottom with a thud. Voldemort’s head detached from his body and rolled away.
“More like Tom Brittle!” Harry Spat.
Ron beamed at Harry. “That was brilliant, mate. Hermione is going to be pissed. She told us we would break it.”
Harry laughed. “That’s your problem. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to celebrate by getting deep in some fire crotch! Also known as your sisters honey pot.”
Ron started to turn red. “Hey, you git! That’s my little sister you’re talking about!”
“Oh come on, Ron. Your sister is hot!” Harry said cooly. “Are you telling me you wouldn’t hit that? I’m probably gay and I’m gonna hit that like crazy!”
“Yeah,” Ron said giving in. “I probably would hit that. But don’t tell hermione.”
Harry smiled at Ron. “No problem. Now where’s my pussy?!”
As if summoned by Harry’s comment Ginny Weasley came strolling down the corridor. “Harry I’ve been looking for you. It’s time to celebrate and I’m not wearing any… What the fuck happened to him?”
“Er,” stammered Harry “We were playing a game of Beat The Shit Out of Voldemort’s Rotting Corpse, and it’s head fell off.”
“Gross!” Ginny said. “What’s all that white stuff coming out of him?”
“Oh that…” Ron said while turning a deep shade of red. “We all took turns raping it too. I’m sure he’s quite full.”
“Ew! Why would you even do that?” Ginny asked.
“Er… It was Neville’s idea.” Harry said “It was something about defiling the body so his soul couldn’t return to it. He was worried we may have missed a horcrux. It was a good idea. Even if he can come back, he’d have to live with the fact we all raped the fuck out of him. We were going to get you and Hermione in on it, but that would be gross!”
“Yeah,” Ron cut in. “It was brilliant! Even Malfoy had a couple of goes at it. He was pretty rough and aggressive. I’m pretty sure he was crying and yelling for his mommy all through his second raping, though.”
“Yeah,” Harry added. “That guy has some serious problems. Ready to get this going, Ginny? Snape’s office should be empty. It’s not like he’s gonna be using it any time soon.”
Ron turned an even brighter shade of red at the thought of his best friend repeatedly defiling his little sister. “Well, I better go tell Hermione that we broke its head off finally. Oh, here she comes!”
Hermione entered the corridor with a sullen look on her face. She stared down at the floor for a few seconds before looking at the the others. “Hagrid’s dead.” she whispered.
Harry looked at her.